Finally, I let my creative juices flow to give this article.
This article isn’t one of my best ones, but I’ve tried something different and
hopefully humorous:
9.00 a.m.: I feel something wet around me. I wake up with a
start. Half of the bed is wet. I’m way past the phase of peeing on the bed, but
is this the return of the pee monster? Thankfully, no. I’ve just drowned in my pool
of sweat. I am a cute little bacchi who sweats like a big fat piggy.
10.00 a.m. : I check my phone and my dear friend Thalia (pet
name) tells me that the temperature today is 40 degrees! I do a ‘haww’ and type
‘Hey Ram!’ to show my exclamation. She tells me to use some other exclamation
and I come up with ‘Hayo rabba!’. She asks me why I am so obsessed with these
God-related exclamations and all I tell her is that they are pretty much
automatic. Besides it’d be really weird if I start exclaiming using my
favourite celebrity names. Just imagine Haye Dhoni or Haye Sindhu!
11.30 a.m.: I look outside and the song that plays in my
mind is – sooraj hua maddham, chand jalne laga. Aasman ye haye kyu pighalne
laga. I don’t really know about the aasman, but I’m sure that I’ll
melt if this stupid garmi doesn’t stop.
12.30 p.m.: Our internet package is over. Thanks to Fawad
Khan. My family has been obsessed with the Pakistani shows Humsafar and Zindagi
Gulzar Hai and watching them till 12 in the night is seriously violating my
sleep-by-10 policy. But then Fawad Khan just looks too good to be missed. So
before calling me a desh drohi, check out his picture.
2.00 p.m.: After a delicious lunch of my favourite bhindi
chawal, I decide to finally start doing some constructive stuff during my
vacation. So I decide to walk it up till Phoenix mall and get some books from
Crossword. But I’ll do so after just one
episode of Zindagi Gulzar Hai……
4.00 p.m.: Where did all the time go? Its 4! That whole one
episode paitra works neither in movies, nor in real life. I’m late. Baba
offers to drop me till Phoenix, as the sooraj is not maddham and
walking in this heat might lead to atmahatya.
4.30 p.m.: I reach Phoenix. On my way to Crossword, I bump
into my dearest friend Malia (pet name again). She’s shopping with her maa
and asks me if I have some time to spare so that we can do some time pass. I tell her that currently I’m the most
jobless person on Earth, so I have all the time.
4.45 p.m.: We are
roaming around the mall, drinking Masala Lemonade, calling random people,
talking about other people and cracking super lame jokes. We step into H&M
and start looking around but turn around once we look at the prices of the outfits, cause even if we buy a hairband
here, we’d go into some major loss. Our dhai sau rupaye can’t even buy
us one of those stupid bunny hairbands that one gets here. We now start
praising our desi MG Road street shopping.
5.00 p.m.: I’m walking towards Sephora, where we are
supposed to meet Malia’s mother, when I hear someone calling “Aastha didi!”.
Everyone except my sagi behen calls me that, so I turn around to see
Papita and Bookworm (pet names!) who are two sweet little sisters aged 5 and 9,
and are the scrappy sister’s chaddi buddies. They have been our
neighbours for 10 years now and unfortunately, are shifting. They are with
their grandparents. I say hi and talk to Miss Bookworm, the shareef one,
while Papita, the gundi stares at me in awe and asks where my parents
are. I say that I’m alone. I get a shocked expression.
5.05 p.m.: After the accidental meeting, Malia and I proceed
towards Sephora to help her mom with some lipstick shopping. Neither of us is
fond of makeup, so we tell Aunty that we won’t really be able to help. So while
aunty tries out new lipsticks, we roam around the place and our nazar goes
towards an eye shadow. Malia exclaims that even she has eye shadow, but under
her eyes *points towards her dark circles*. I let out a sarcastic laugh.
5.30 a.m.: After a lot of debate, the lipstick shade is
finalized. Maa calls. She says we are going out and tells me to reach
home soon. I bid a teary farewell to Malia and head home.
7.30 a.m.: We reach a faraway mall for dinner and start looking
for a good place to eat. We find a place with a lovely ambiance and outdoor
seating. It’s pretty breezy here, so I start feeling afraid about my hair and
dress flying away.
8.30 a.m.: Thankfully, nothing flies off and we have a
decent dinner. Now we need to visit the washroom, thanks to the 3 glasses of
water and 2 glasses of cold drink. We reach the washroom and realize that there
is a daughter-mother pair inside the washroom already, having a conversation
which is pretty lame:
Mother: Beta, are you done?
Daughter: Haan mamma, ho gaya.
Mother : But you’ve hardly done anything. Try doing a bit
more.
Daughter: Par mamma, nahi aa rahi.
Mother: Theek hai, turn your face now, mamma will
also pee.
(I guess the daughter turns)
Daughter: But how does mamma pee?
Mother: Just the way my baccha pees.
The daughter starts asking the mother whether she can
touch the things the washroom and the mother refuses.
Daughter: Mamma can I turn now?
Mother: Two minutes, beta. Arre, don’t touch that
its dirty!
I hear a loud sound, I think someone falls! After two more
minutes, this iconic drama pair comes out and the condition of the mother is
totally shabby.
I guess this heat has just made everyone mad. Hey Ram, don’t
give such an ‘adventurous’ day to anyone in the future please. And this is just
April, I wonder what kaarnamas May has in store.
