Jingle bells

Christmas has always been a special festival. In India, we are Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, Jains and many more. We all live as a big family and celebrate every festival, irrespective of our religion.

I personally love Christmas. I actually know how Christmas is celebrated, even though I am not a Christian, thanks to my dear friend Avi.

Christmas for me has never been about red, green and white clothes or Christmas trees. It has always been about those Christmas parties that Avi used to keep every year.

As kids, I am pretty sure that each one of us had that slight belief in Santa Claus. Our parents left us gifts, and we thought that Santa Claus left those. The man in a red suit and with a white beard was like an angel for little kids. I think Baba Ramdev should launch a Patanjali Santa. If he gets a tond, dyes his beard white and wears one of those Santa hats, he’ll definitely look like Santa Claus.

My Christmas as a child was filled with Christmas parties at Avi’s house. I am pretty sure I can never forget the taste of guava cheese or the plum cake or the homemade chocolates or the cookies which she used to give every year on Christmas. The Christmas parties were filled with food, fun and games. I remember Avi and Oli (her brother) arguing for the choice of song almost every second minute. I remember those boys v/s girls games which were tie many times. Food was always delicious and the sweets to die for.

I was in a convent school for 7 years. So most of my childhood was spent in a Christian school. Our Christmas parties used to be super fun. We used to dance, click pictures and eat. It used to be fun.

This was Christmas for me. I love Christmas. A merry Christmas to all!

Katti-batti

Childhood is undoubtedly the best part of life. Our lives are like cupcakes and childhood is the icing on it. Childhood is all about fun and friendship. Girl-boy, Hindu-Muslim, dark-fair, all were friends. We were not bound in the chains of society at that time and were like free birds flying around and expressing joy at every moment. Friendship was, or perhaps is, that pinch of masalas in a subji (our lives) that makes it flavorful. It is like amrit as it keeps the life in us alive. Our friends are some sort of superheroes who rescue us from the monster of solitude. Friends always give us a shoulder to cry, a reason to laugh and a suitcase of unforgettable memories.

My friends are my life. I love them a lot! So let’s dive into the world of friendship and discover the different stages of friendship we had as kids. So Annie, Pallu,Vidhz,Shapri,Gauri,Avi,Dishu,Maha,Madhu,Shreya,Srija,Soumya,Gullu,Tanu,Dibya,Isha,Sid,Ronit,Dhruv,Yash,Shreyash,my sad unicorn Shruti, Tina,Ila, Wagisha and my dear sis Stuti, this one’s for you.

1)    Stage 1: Mujhse Dosti Karoge? - This is the introduction to the new friend. As kids, we are usually very shy. So we talk in this shy tone and ask the new friend’s name. I remember how I met my bestie, Annie. Our society sandpit has a red slide. The environment was lonely. I was coming down the slide and Annie was coming up. She asked my name and I asked hers. We were really shy at that time so we reluctantly told our names. And that incident began a tale of endless friendship.

2)    Stage 2: Show off! - I made a new friend! Isn’t it exciting? I need to tell the world! As kids, making new friends was a big deal. So, if some kid made a new friend, they would make sure that the world got to know about it. To show off, we used to hold our new friend’s hand and roam the world with them. We would have this expression on our face which would signal the spectator to ‘see’ my new friend.

3)    Stage 3: Katti! - The petty fights during childhood led to katti-batti. We used to fight for any random reason. Friendship of many years, friendship that we showed off was broken in a fraction of seconds due to reasons unknown to anyone. As kids, if I and Annie were left in the same room, we would surely come out with a fight. I remember Avi used to take katti if we asked her to take the den during Hide-and-Seek.  Gauri used to cry like a kid every second minute. She took katti and used to cry even if a person forgot to say ‘hi’ to her. I remember once Gauri and Shapri had pretended to take katti for what seemed like forever. Me and Annie went berserk and forced these dramebaaz to lift the curtain from their naatak. All this definitely sounds stupid now, but that’s how we were then.

4)    Stage 4: Batti! - A smile bloomed on our faces during this stage. A while after katti, we used to take our index and middle fingers, put them together kiss them and join them to the other person’s fingers so that we would break the curse of katti. Avi used to take batti when she was told to hide instead of seek. Stuti, I and Annie were like 3 idiots during childhood. So the system was that when Annie spent more time with Stuti, I’d take katti. When Annie would spend more time with me, Stuti would take katti. And when Stuti spent more time with me, Annie would take katti. So due to this system, it was really rare that all of us took batti.

5)    Stage 5: Always!- This stage comes after a series of katti-batti incidents, introduction to new friends, etc. If you can survive all the previous stages various times, you reach this stage. This is a stage of true friendship which will last forever, how much ever we fight, we remain friends forever.

I hope you enjoyed this article and could relate to all the stages. I am sure you must have experienced them.

Queens of India

Our sex ratio is 943 per 1000 females. We usually love to gossip, follow the latest fashion trends and use make up. We strive for independence. Our world is limited to the house. There we are! The women of this cultured country, striving to break this society and enter one of liberty and happiness.

The saying ‘unity in diversity’ definitely hold true for our country. The way our country is diverse, even the women of our country are. So, let’s discover this diversity among Indian women today:

1)    Speed Post:  The world knows them, but they know the world better. Gossip is their soul. Gossip, apart from daily soaps, is a vital source of Vitamin E (entertainment) for them. Even when they are away on a tour, they make it their business to poke their nose in other’s business. They add extra mirch-masala to the gossip. They gossip about everything; T.V. serials, their daughter-in-laws, others daughter-in-laws, how short random people’s skirts are, about aaj kal ki ladkiyan etc. They have this typical tone of talking, with stressing on specific words. They talk nonsense at time and could be irritating at times as well.

2)    Baby Lips: Beauty is their life and make up their occupation. They have lipstick, eyeliner, blush, lip gloss, eye shadow, lip liner, mascara and a lot more on their faces even when they go for a morning walk or even when they go to drop their kids to school. They are more made up than the actresses on daily soaps. Their stock of makeup is never-ending and perhaps more than that in a makeup store. They have a perception that makeup makes you beautiful. So they fill their faces with makeup and wait to look beautiful.

3)    Om Jai Jagdish Hare: Pooja path is what they love. They are the ones who keep upvaas and are devoted to God all the time. They usually do not eat non-veg food. They fast almost every day. Their devotion towards the Almighty is in the form of Bhajan every day, with a pooja ki thali in their hands. Their house will usually have a huge temple. A pandit will be called monthly, and a regular puja will be done on a regular basis. All sorts of bhajans are known to them. They do not come near God with their chappals on or without bathing. A lot of women under this category are senior citizens. They are Bhagvan ki bhakti mein doobi hui.

4)    Womeedrom: ‘Womeendrom’ is basically a combination of ‘women’ and ‘freedom’. So these are the free women of India. They strive to make a change, aspire to establish equality and break societal norms. They wear short clothes, are independent. They contribute to the Gross Domestic Product. Sometimes, they are paid less than men, but their dedication is way more than men. The Indian society condemns them, but they don’t really care. All they care about is their goal. They do all that men do. It isn’t essential that they are good at cooking or other household chores for that matter. When the society back-bitches about them, they just let out a smile. I love this category and aspire to be a part of it.

5)    Silent sufferers: Women suffer a lot. Be it stereotypes, discrimination, sexual harassment, social taboos, human trafficking, eve teasing, ragging, family pressure, society pressure, dowry, domestic violence, child marriage, female infanticide, bride burning, women are victims of everything. The women in this category face it all, but emerge as winners. They suffer silently. They are undoubtedly the bravest.

The Brand called marriage

10.00 a.m.: The scrappy sister is snoring like Kumbhkaran. How can a 9-year-old do a PhD in snoring? I guess she deserves a spot in the Guinness World Records Book.

10.30 a.m.: I wake up after getting fed up by snoring. My hair looks like one of those religious babas who grow their hair for a decade and never comb them. I head towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. I accidently pour liquid soap on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste. Luckily, this sanitized and soap-full toothbrush does not touch my teeth as I realize about the soap.

11.30a.m.: I have breakfast. During breakfast, I require a dose of music to mentally wake up and for my mind to start working. For breakfast, Maa has prepared a salad of cherry tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber. The scrappy sister hears the beats of ‘Cheap Thrills’, and stands up with a piece of cherry tomato in her hand. She starts doing Samba on Cheap Thrills. She is showing off her ‘moves’, when the cherry tomato falls for her hand. By mistake, she steps on it and makes a mess.

She blurts out “The tomato peed!” I give her the from-where-do-you-get-such-lame-ideas look. Maa shoots at her the you-need-to-clean-this-up look.

Baba enters and asks, “What’s going on?” I reply, “The tomato peed!”

“Did she do math this morning? She I acting like a wild animal!”

12.00p.m.: I have a rendezvous with my society buddies. My friend Vidhi wants to introduce our gang to a new friend of hers, let’s name her Friend A. I get ready and leave for the get-together. Avril calls me to ask what I am wearing today. I tell her I am wearing an animal skin dress and pink boots. She tells me I am crazy. I reply sarcastically and tell her you shouldn’t have asked dear, you know how much I care about fashion.

12.15p.m.: I reach Vidhi’s house where I meet my old friends and Friend A. Friend A reminds me of Mac Kenzie from Dork Diaries. Out of nowhere, Friend A blurts out, “Why does Sania Mirza play for India when she is married to a Pakistani?”

I reply, “Because her veins have bharatiya khoon and have you seen any sort of stamp or tattoo on her body that spells Pakistani?”

This reminds me of Twinkle Khanna’s tweet on this topic. Some random guy had told her that she should change her surname to Kumar now. She gave a really strong reply with the hash tag Married Not Branded.

I personally don’t feel getting married should change anything in a girl’ life. If she changes her surname to her husband’s, he should change it to hers. If she leaves her house, so should he. If she does household work, even he should do so.  A married woman isn’t a brand or property of her husband. She is an independent human being and should have all rights.

Salaam bachpan

Bhagvan ka roop, mann ke sacche and maa ke ladle are the children of India. We children are pizzas with a pinch of popping candy, travellers to the land of bubblegum, chocolate and candy, the Einsteins, Sachins, Latas and Sudha Murthys of tomorrow, the ultimate dramebaaz, sweet gulab jamun and rasmalai with some shikhanji and lemon, lollipops of different flavours and the royal family of mischief all rolled into one.

As small kids, we all had signature words from some alien language. For example, as a kid, godi (lap) was dabbi, cow was cow aunty and pig was pig uncle. When my sister was around five years old, she used to answer every question with the word papita (Papaya). I asked her once, what is the capital of India? She answered papita.

As tiny kids, we used to have the stupid concept of katti-batti. If someone lost a game, they used to get angry and used to say katti. The batti came moments later when some other person got a nice chocolate.

As kids, we danced like nobody was watching. When I now think of the way me and my friends used to dance, I remember the song, “Who let the dogs out?” Our dance could be compared to the moves of an animal! And singing, it sounded like Donald Trump shouting his heart out (in Hindi). We used to sing like howling wolves.

Birthday parties were filled with passing the parcel, dancing statue, musical chairs, newspaper dance, bombing the cities and other odd games. Dancing on latest Bollywood numbers with an addition of crazy steps was a very common thing. The cake had to be the most attractive ornament in the party. It was means of show-off. Gifts and return gifts were exchanged with the excitement of getting a gift. The curiosity to open it was more than the curiosity we have to know about the world or even our exam results. The birthday dresses were a big deal, ranging from yellow to grey, floral to traditional, hairstyles and makeup were also a part. I remember seeing girls applying eyeliners, blush, eye shadow on birthday parties and coming. I don’t use those things even now!

Well, makeup reminds me of something worse. Barbie dolls! Currently, I think of Barbie dolls as alligators in stilettoes with bright pink Maybelline lipstick, a Faces blue eye shadow, hair of an L’Oreal blonde color and a ‘pink’ dress. As a kid, Barbie doll were some sort of angels which had descended from heaven to save us from the ghost, of boredom. They are devilish for me right now.

Boys’ toys were much better than girls. I started liking Beyblades at the age of 9. They were so much better than those demons called Barbie dolls. Hot Wheels was also very popular. Getting the pleasure of driving a car, though not actually, is much better than creating some weird stories and enacting them with some idiotic dolls.

Apart from toys, even television was an integral part of our lives as children. Be it the blue octopus Oswald, or the fast-running Thomas engine, or the best builder in town name Bob, or Rob making us M.A.D., or Noddy’s ice cream world, or the Suite life of Zack and Cody, or Kiteretsu’s inventions, or the Wingz Club fairies saving the world, or even Shinchan's mischief, all were a pleasure to watch. Doraemon and Chota Bheem weren’t that popular. Cartoons at our time definitely had more common sense as compared to the current ones.

Nowadays, heaven for most people is a tub of popcorn with an amazing movie. But when I was small, heaven was bedtime stories. They were definitely the typical and ordinary Red Riding Hood, Three Little Pigs, Rapunzel, The Frog Prince, Sleeping Beauty, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Cinderella, Snow White, Little Mermaid and Rumpelstilskin, but their charm was just extraordinary.

The headline read, Happy Children’s Day, and all these thoughts floated into my mind. My mind drifted towards a new headline, Modi bans 500 and 1000 notes: a good move or a step towards poverty? What came to my mind after that is another story……

The divine life

Blue.

Blue?

Blue!

Blue is the color in town.

Blue is all that’s around.

Life is new,

Life is different,

Life has many shapes,

Life is full of colors,

Life is full of life.

Is this the way creatures live?

Is this is a dive into life?

Is life as colorful as this?

Is any color as bright as this?

Who says heaven is above?

Who says heaven is better than life?

Look at this life, and forget heaven.

Look at this life, and love life.

Who says the colors of a rainbow are divine?

Who says that a rainbow offers brightness?

Look at these colors, and travel the cloud of divinity.

Look at these colors, and leave the bright rainbow behind.

Red,Blue,Yellow,Orange,Pink,Purple,Green,Black,White fishes swimming around you.

They are like Gods descending from the sea.

Chocolate coated raindrops

My English teacher, Amit sir gave me a challenge to write a poem on chocolate coated raindrops:

He looked around,

Hoping for some chocolate.

But all he could see was far stretches of barren land.

Life was tough,

Money was running out of hand.

Life was like a piece of barren land.

Drought

Farmer

Sadness 

Poverty 

Came to my mind.

Then a new word made its way,

Help

So I decided to rescue him from this pool of sadness .

And give him the pleasure called chocolate.

To make his life simpler,

To see a beautiful smile spread across his face.

So I gathered my powers,

Ready to spread chocolate.

He looked towards the sky

And slowly drifted out of the pool of barren land.

To step into a pool of chocolate.

He looked up,

And saw

Chocolate coated raindrops 

Falling from the sky!

In this poem, happiness refers to chocolate, he means farmer and I refers to God.