Ashoka hai, Ashoka tha

Ashoka, if you are an Indian, you would currently be thinking of bravery, Buddhism, generosity, humbleness and a fatherly figure. Yes, I am going to dedicate this article to the great emperor. I am an avid reader of history and becoming a historian in the future is my first choice. Don’t worry; this isn’t going to be a boring, lengthy history lesson about emperor Ashoka, but simply an imaginary article.

Ashoka has always been the hero of Indian history, the grandson of Chandragupta Maurya, another great emperor, and Bindusara, who did conquer a lot of land, but failed to be an influential king. One of my relatives, who regularly reads my articles requested me to write an article on Ashoka. I, and to be frank everyone would think of how the life of Ashoka was, his conquests, contribution to Buddhism etc. But I came up with a new idea. One of the newspapers published an article about how children are finding history boring because of the way it is taught. So here you go, a little dramatic, loosely based on Chakravartin Ashoka Samrat, modernized tale of Ashoka.

Ashoka was a hero Chanakya found when he had been a ghost for 29 years, roaming around day and night in search of a worthy successor for the throne of Magadha. Now he had finally found one. Radhagupt, his favourite disciple was the only person who could see him. He communicated the message, but Ashoka laughed at him. How could a dead person say that he was the correct successor for the Magadha throne? He never liked the emperor of Magadha, this Bindusara, a puppet of his step-mother Helena and elder brother Justin (who actually never existed). Chanakya decided to do some R&D and then came to the conclusion that Ashoka was Bindusara’s son. Ashoka gave him weird looks when he got to know this “fact”. Chanakya decided that by hook or crook, he had to take Ashoka to the Magadha palace. He kidnapped his mother, and asked the poor child to come to the Magadha palace to save him. Ashoka loved his mother a lot, so cried like a bahu from one of the saas-bahu shows and went to rescue her. He didn’t have Wi-Fi at his house as he was poor, so he sent a text message to his friends and they all went to rescue his mother. The soldiers at the gate were all busy with their phones, so it was easy to get in. They kept going; the soldiers saw them only when they had almost entered Radhagupta’s room. Radhagupt showed Ashoka way to his mother, who stood there crying and wasting glycerine which was needed for the other parts of her life. Ashoka was angry at his mother for teaching him values such as, no wasting and she was doing the same. But at the same time, he was relieved that he had finally seen her. He hugged her tightly. Just then, Bindusara entered. His face saw Ashoka’s mother (Subhadrangi) thrice and he was like, “Kya? Kya? Kya?”(If you watch daily soaps, you can visualise the scene). Then he came close to her and embraced her. Just then, Helena entered with dagger…….And "Agle hafted dekhiye” flashes on the screen.

This is just a small part of the “crazy history of Magadha”. Stay tuned in for more. If I get at least over 20 comments on this article, I will make it a monthly. So if you want to read more of the “crazy history of Magadha” and other regions, comment.

*saas-bahu-daily soaps

**kya-  what

***agle hafte dekhiye - next week 

Happy Horror Birthday

It's my birthday today.So an extra article for everyone today. Its time to be happy! Whenever I think of the word birthday, it reminds me of this article I wrote few months back. It was in fact my second article. So here you  go:

9.00: I wake up. It is a holiday. Well, I am a late riser when it comes to holidays. I get up only when my scrappy sister kicks me out of the bed. She kicks me because she wants to start her day by “dancing in the bed”.

9.30: I freshen up and eat poha* for breakfast. The scrappy sister runs around the house and announces that we have to all go for her friend’s birthday party today. I suddenly remember that we will be going to my mother’s friend’s daughter’s birthday.

9.35: I start sulking about how I get bored in these chota baccha** parties and how I don’t have any company and how I am stuck with a bunch of either 8-year-olds or 30- year-olds. I understand that if we are extremely close to the family, we must go, but this was unnecessary. The scrappy sister tells me how I can play the Barbie game with them. My mother also tells me how I can enjoy with the adults group by talking about the latest movie or some random people I don’t even know. I refuse saying that I am better off with my book.

5.30: After an exciting day filled with movies, Whatsapp, sketching and music, it is time for the boring birthday.

6.00: We reach the party venue. I am surrounded with a group of people I see only once a year during this birthday. I excuse myself and go and grab a chair to read my book. Suddenly some stranger comes and tells me how I have grown so big and the last time they saw me I was the size of a mosquito. Seriously? Even a new born child is not the size of a mosquito. Did you see me when I was in my mother’s womb?

6.30: I look up finally. For the past 30 minutes I was lost in the world of my book. Dinner is served. I am a big foodie, so the primary reason for which I came to this boring place is to eat food. I go and take a plate of food. When I ask for more, the lady who served me food gives me a horrid look.

6.31: I put the first morsel of food into my mouth and realise that my dress is wet! I look up to a small child who has filled my beautiful dress with vomit and has her eyes on my food. I am horrified! I decide that to save this plate of food so that I don’t have to see the face of that lady again.  I get up and then suddenly realise that my plate was on my lap and I never picked it up. So, even before I think of the solution, I am in a pile of pav bhaji, bhel***,cake and vomit.

7.00: I wash my dress until the vomit smell is gone. I go to my mother with a wet dress and shabby hair and pull her out of her conservation with the other mothers about how their neighbour shouts on her children. I tell her that I have to leave this place now and cannot stay here one moment now or else who knows, someone might vomit on my hair! She tells me to calm down and wait till she finishes her food (which would take another hour after all the gossip included in it).

7.05: I go to my father and tell him about my situation. He says we can leave. I am very relieved!

7.30: We are back home. I take a long bath and throw away one of my favourite dresses as it has pav bhaji stains on it.

          I just hope  I wouldn’t have to tolerate all this next year too. I just don’t know why we teenagers should attend a baccha party and play ring-a-ring -a roses or passing the parcel. And the hosts even expect you to be happy when you get a Doraemon toy! I really wish that that Doraemon toy would work the way it worked in the show. I would make my duplicate from his gadget and would escape the less boring, but very scary birthday party. 

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*poha- an indian breakfast dish 

**Chota baccha - small kids

**pav bhaji, bhel - Indian snacks 

Is it your room?

Hey guys! It’s my birthday tomorrow! It might sound greedy, but I need a small birthday gift from you all. Before that,I would like to thank you for all your support which helped me to achieve 500 views. I just need a little more support. Please solve this riddle for me. I wrote this article some time back and forget which room I was talking about. Please tell me which room I am talking about. You can  write your replies as a comment. The return gift is a small one; you get to choose the topic for my next article. So get your lazy minds to work!

As soon as I entered the room, I saw all smiling faces, filled with warmth, looking content and blissful. The atmosphere was jolly; a smile would definitely blossom on your face once you entered that room. Enemies looked like best friends, people loved their parents, they didn’t fight, everyone was happy. During tough times too, everybody helped each other. There was satisfaction. There was an urge to stay the same way. There was only one desire, to stay here, to stay happy. Life has ups and downs, but that time, I felt like I was on top of the world! I was extremely happy. I loved my life, and was sure that I will cherish all these wonderful moments in the future. Life was simple, life was fun, life was enjoyable, and it seemed as if life couldn’t be better.

But then there was a storm, which scattered and shattered all the people in the room. Rivers of tears flowed; there was agony, sadness, depression. Life was plain. A smile, which appeared regularly in the past, was scarce or, sometimes you felt, as if it was extinct. Even when I remembered the lovely moments, I felt nostalgic, I felt sad, I wanted to hug all the people and be with them for the whole of my life. That room stole my heart. I always tell people, though my mind is in the present, my heart is in the past.My heart is in that room.

Kaali Maata ki jai!

7.00: I wake up for school. A new day and a new beginning. I brush my teeth and fall on the floor. I realize that I have slept while brushing.

7.05: I manage to get up from the floor and wash my face with cold water to avoid sleeping off again. I hit the scrappy sister on the back (that’s the way I tell her that she has to get up) She sits on the bed, starts her day by doing a gulanti (front roll) and landing off the bed. She gets up and starts dancing. When I ask the reason she reminds me that she has a scored a century just like Sachin Tendulkar but not in cricket, in falling off the bed.

7.15: I go for my bath. The bathroom welcomes me by a fall. I slip on the bar of soap which my sister has purposely thrown on the floor so that she can show my mother that even I can fall.

7.45: After a breakfast of cornflakes, we go down so that we can stay there for next 25 minutes and wait for the bus (it takes its own sweet time, stopping for drinking petrol and eating air for the tyres).

7.50: The most expected thing happens! Maa* meets one of her friends (she has one friend for a shopping mall, cinema, restaurant and even vacations!)Let’s name the friend Miss A. So it seems that Miss A has recently recovered from a back injury. She got it after she slipped on the bathroom floor on a bar of soap. That happened to me just this morning! I think I should get a check-up done. If something comes negative, such as a brain damage, I can’t do maths.  I tell my mother how I need to study for the SST map test and how I have to complete my  Diary of a Wimpy kid  as I  have to submit an activity on it in library.

8.00: We are still sitting like the maa from Karan Arjun**  and are waiting for our Karan Arjun (our bus) to come. My mother finally comes after the long talk. She tells me how Miss A, who comes from a conservative background, told her to put malai ***on my face to make me fairer. If I don’t do so, I will have difficulty in finding a groom for marriage. I walk over to Miss A and tell her the following:

•           The only thing I am currently interested in is my studies-not marriage.
•      Marriage isn't the ultimate goal of life for a girl. 
•        Being fair is not being beautiful.
•       I am sure you must be using Fair and lovely.
• 
  
•              I like my dusky complexion. I don’t want to be Snow White; I am fine being Kaali Maata****.
•            The actual beauty is inner beauty.

She is stunned and just sashays away .Her sari gets stuck in a branch and in an attempt to remove it she splashes leaves and twigs all over her hair. So the proverb is right, jaisi karni vaisi bharni*****.

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*maa= mother 

**Karan Arjun = a famous hindi movie in which two brothers 

are separated and their mother waits patiently for them 

***malai= cream 

****Kaali maata = an Indian goddess associated with killing 

of demons. She wear a necklace of skulls and drinks blood.

*****jaisi karni vaisi bharni= you reap what you sow

Swarg in School

I was reading a book on Indian mythology, Myth=Mithya*, by Devdutt Pattnaik, when this crazy idea came to my mind. What if school was swarg**? What if all our teachers and the subjects were all Gods ?

If I were to make our school heaven, Indra, the king of Gods, would be our principal. The Kalpavriksha, or the tree which grows precious gems, would be our Vice Principal, because she guides us in such a way that we do not need any materialistic gems, she is our gem.

 Kama, the God of desire, would be our games class, which we always strive for. Whenever a teacher enters the class for substitution, we always ask her for games. 

Mathematics would be Brahma, the creator, because without mathematics we cannot do anything in life. We don’t have any life. We need maths for sports, arts, computers and science too.

Science would be Vishnu, the preserver. Science is the subject of life, and Vishnu the God of life. The different avatars of Vishnu would be the branches of Science. 

 English would be Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth. If you do not know English, you don’t get a good job, no job, no money, you are poor.

 Social Studies would be Shakti, the Goddess, strength and power. Social Science is a powerful subject, you can make strong opinions about a topic . 

 Hindi, nowadays, is a neglected just like Ganga, the sacred river – everyone wants Ganga jal*** but no one takes care of it. Everyone needs Hindi but no-one wants to develop it.

 Lastly, the report card is Agni, the God of fire, which burns all our hard work to just a block with two-digit marks or an alphabet which shatters us and we start once again, so the report card is pralaya and the new life of ours after it is Matsya, the avatar of Vishnu which begins life on Earth.

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*mithya- sanskrit word for myth

**swarg - equivalent to heaven in Indian mythology
***jal= water

The quirky Indian family

This is my first blog and I am really excited! In our country, families play a vital role in our daily lives. The families treat you with warmth and a cute smile always. But on the inside, each family member has a quirky side. All the members of the family do have an unseen side. They all have a real self. They are all quirky and awkward; basically, they are themselves only when they are left alone. My family too is the same. So this article is a glimpse into the real lives of these families. So here is my and mostly everyone's, REAL family:

1) The scrappy sibling: This is the naughty, unorganized, awkward, crazy, eccentric and mad kind of child. This is usually the younger sibling. These children are capable of wearing their pyjamas on their head, drinking a bottle of cream or wearing their parent's clothes. My sister comes under this category.

2) The perfect baccha: This is the innocent, sincere, punctual, obedient and tolerating-the-atyachaar-of-the-scrappy-sibling-kind-of a child. They are the less quirky among others. They are engaged in their own activities, usually, and are hardly bothered about others. They have a specific group of friends who they are strongly attached to and share everything. They are usually introverts or a bit of both introvert and extrovert. They are usually the elder siblings. I fall in this category.

3) The majestic maa: She is the strictest member of the family. She is the lioness of the family. She collects food for the cubs, which the lion also feeds on. She is the queen, who rules the house. She can be crazy at times, but that's when you need to remember that you were born from her womb and keep calm.

4) The man of the house: This is the father. He is mostly busy with his work. He is a horrible dancer but loves dancing. Fathers show their quirky side to get off work load.

5) The gregarious grandparents:  They are the oldest members of the family but are coolest. They are just a bit less talkative then the scrappy siblings. They adore our traditional values and food. 

This is the typical bhartiya parivar. Some families also have a cute little pet. After seeing how our families, you must be surprised about how people who are so different live under one roof. The quote is true; there is unity in diversity indeed. That's why, Indian families are the best.

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*baccha= child

**atyachaar= torture

***maa=mother 

Introduction

Namaste!!

So, all of you must be wondering what this all is about. My blog is basically about the life and problems of a bhartiya chokri (Indian girl). I would express my thoughts and ideas and try my best to tell you more about our country and its rich culture. I like being humorous, so my blogs might be funny at times. For those of you who do not know Hindi, I would be using the  astric (*)  symbol for the English meaning. The meaning of each Hindi word would be at the end of the article. I hope you enjoy reading my blogs! 

 Jai Hind!